The thing about cohabitation is that it isn’t always easy. A friend of mine recently had to dissolve hers in order to not scratch her guy’s eyeballs out but also, to see if they could salvage the relationship. Impossible you say? You are seeing the inevitable shame: Having to tell your families that the cohabitation is over and one of you is crawling, tail between the legs out the door. You are espousing the: “Too broke to fix if you can’t fix it while living together!” mantra. But I’m going to disagree and not just to be subversive. I am going to disagree on the grounds of “getting thrown into water sucks, but getting out after getting thrown in and then getting back in again often feels good—great even. Like suddenly the water is warmer than the air!” theory.

We live in a time when cohabitation ain’t no big thing. So why should dissolving it be an automatic, “fool me once” type disaster? In my opinion, move in together and if it begins doing some serious damage on your relationship, step back, move out and then try again later. Reasons cohabitations don’t work right the first time are many and include:

1. I hate that you leave beard shavings on my sink so much that I feel compulsively uncomfortable about it and you must leave right now.

2. You like too much air conditioning and I want to save mother Earth so this cannot work.

3. You’ve never operated a vacuum cleaner and that makes me think you are the world's most incompetant idiot.

4. You got pissed off because I accidentally dyed your favorite white shirt pink and when you yelled I thought your head was going to explode which is scary.

or

5.  I had no idea you could make things smell like that. Please go.

However, once the person goes see if you don’t miss the Sunday evening cuddle or the rainy Saturday Monopoly marathon. Once the person goes people get to thinking, “Maybe I can just wipe up his offensive nail clippings off of the coffee table if they bug me.” Once you are back to your corners you might remember why you couldn’t wait to see each other at the end of busy work weeks. If you both can see your relationship getting dog eared from your cohabitation, give yourselves a break from it. It isn’t 100% easy and might take some time—after all, someone has to find a new place to live. Money issues might get complicated. You might find yourself thinking, “Why can’t he just change so we don’t have to go through this?” But the truth of the matter is, not everything can be easy all the time. If you know that dissolving your cohabitation is the best thing in the short run for your relationship, think of it as donating marrow to a dying cancer patient. Think of it as a life saving procedure—for the life of your relationship.
    
Once you both agree that moving out is the best course of action, take your time. Allow the process to happen slowly. No one needs to freak out. And NO ONE needs to start dating other people or destroying record collections. If you decide to look at the move as a method for relationship revival you might even find the change soothing. Just knowing one of you will be moving out might make it easier for you to vacuum on his behalf or get over it when he expresses that he doesn't understand how one girl can leave so many different pairs of shoes scattered around one small living room. In the meantime, make things peaceful. Change is coming. And maybe, while apartment hunting you will realize that things are getting easier and call the called-off cohabitation off! Which is the best possibility of all...

What is the rule when it comes to Mother’s Day and our boyfriends' mothers? Are we supposed to ignore them just because we don’t share rings? Even more importantly can we ignore them just because we don’t share rings?

The question of what to get our Unlaws (the parents of our boyfriends) comes up at birthdays, holidays and inevitably Mother’s and Father’s Day. Whereas Gift-giving-specific days like Christmas, Hanukah and birthdays feel totally fine when it comes to sending cards and cool t-shirts or scarves we think his mom will love, Mother’s Day feels a little more like a potentially serious ass-kissing move. This one is for the girl trying really hard—perhaps trying too hard. This is for the girl who in high school moaned a little when she raised her hand. This is for the chick who accidentally burnt down his family cabin sneaking a late night cigarette in the dry field beside it.

It’s a mine field out there. This is your chosen partner. How do you play this one?  If you and your beau have been together less than a year, I say skip it all together. If you are around when your guy is talking to his mom on the phone, call out a “Happy Mother’s Day” and let him pass it on. If you answer when she calls him to remind him to call her, say it then. Or even better, get your man to tell her that you reminded him to call in the first place (which let's face it, she already knows if the call comes before 7PM). That one might get you your own stocking on the mantle next Christmas.

If you have been together for more than a year, get your name on the card. Even if it’s one of those, “Joselin and I wish you a happy Mother’s Day” that you instruct him to scribe, that will be a great, non-brown nosey way to get your message out there. Offer your guy half the money for the gift or card if you need to buy your way in.

For the girl who may as well be married to the guy for all the time they’ve been together (especially if you have kids together!) make sure you are a part of the card, make sure your kids send one of their own and also make yourself a part of the Mother’s Day phone call. It’s just good etiquette. She may only be your Unlaw, but she’s the mother of your honey and it will make you look awesome. But make sure you don’t volunteer to clap the erasers. That’s just lame.